How much sleep a toddler actually needs

The World Health Organization's guidelines for under-5s give the cleanest numbers, because they cover a full 24 hours rather than just the night. Children aged 1 to 2 years should "have 11-14 hours of good quality sleep, including naps, with regular sleep and wake-up times." Children aged 3 to 4 should have "10-13h of good quality sleep, which may include a nap".

The HSE breaks that down into a night figure and a nap. By about 18 months a child needs "about 11 to 12 hours sleep a night" plus "1 nap during the day of about 1 to 2 hours, usually around lunchtime". By two, the same night figure with a nap of up to two hours. From two to three, the nap shortens to about an hour. Its caveat matters as much as the numbers: "every child has a different sleep pattern. How much your child sleeps may be different to the average amount for children of this age."

Why toddlers wake in the night

The HSE explains the mechanism in a way that reframes the whole problem: "it is common for babies and toddlers to wake briefly between sleep cycles during the night ... They may open their eyes. This is normal." The first two sleep cycles last about three to four hours and are mostly deep sleep, so the waking tends to come later in the night.

What decides whether that brief waking turns into an hour of your night is what the HSE calls a sleep association: "sleep associations happen when your child learns to fall asleep with help. For example, by bottlefeeding or being held to go to sleep." These usually develop between 6 and 12 months. A child who fell asleep being rocked wakes at 2am, finds the rocking gone, and calls for it back. A child who fell asleep in their own bed, alone, will usually "fall back asleep quickly if they wake up in the same place where they fell asleep and everything in the room is the same."

This is not a moral point. The HSE says explicitly that "some parents may be happy to do this" — plenty of families rock or feed to sleep by choice and are fine with the consequences. It only becomes a problem worth solving when it is wrecking your sleep.

The gradual retreat approach

Where the NHS says only to be "as boring as possible" at night, the HSE publishes a step-by-step method for children aged six months and over:

Put your child into the cot or bed while they are awake and sit on a chair next to them.
Place your hand on their back if they are used to physical contact, then gradually remove it before they fall asleep over the first few nights.
Stay sitting there until your child falls asleep.
Once they can fall asleep that way every night, "sit farther away every 3 to 4 nights until you are no longer in the room."

The HSE is realistic about the shape of it: "the first few nights are likely to be very challenging. Often the third or fourth night is worse than the first night. But within a week or so, you will begin to see an improvement." It also says to praise your child specifically the next morning, and — importantly — "do not work on getting your child to sleep on their own when they are unwell. Start again when they are better."

Bedtime, when they will not go

The NHS advice for a child who resists bed is procedural rather than philosophical:

Decide what time you want your child to go to bed.
Start a "winding down" bedtime routine around 30 minutes before they usually fall asleep, then bring it forward by 5 to 10 minutes a week, or 15 if bedtime has drifted very late.
"Set a limit on how much time you spend with your child when you put them to bed. For example, read only 1 story, then tuck your child in and say goodnight."
"If your child gets up, keep taking them back to bed again with as little fuss as possible."
Expect to repeat it for several nights.

The HSE's version of the same routine is 30 to 45 minutes long and includes supper, quiet activities, pyjamas, teeth, a trip to the toilet before getting into bed — "this may stop them asking to get out of bed" — one agreed story, then lights out. It suggests rewarding a child for staying in their own bed with a sticker chart and a bigger reward after three stickers.

Both services say no screens for 30 to 60 minutes before bed. The NHS notes the light from screens can interfere with sleep; the HSE says to turn them off an hour before. The AAP adds that when a child keeps reappearing, keep the interaction brief and boring and praise them for staying in bed, and warns that "twenty 'farewell appearances' in one evening is by no means an unusual number."

Moving from cot to bed

The AAP gives a practical trigger rather than an age: "once your toddler can climb out of their crib, it may be time to transition to a 'big kid' bed." If climbing has started before you have a bed sorted, its interim measure is to "place the crib mattress on the floor."

The room becomes the safety issue the moment the cot stops being one. The AAP's checklist:

Clear away furniture and large toys that could injure a child who fell against them.
Anchor dressers and other furniture so they cannot tip over.
Fit childproof latches on drawers, or tape them shut, so they cannot be used as steps.
Consider a safety gate across the bedroom door, and keep one at the top of the stairs.

The NHS's separate safety guidance adds the two hazards people forget in a bedroom: window locks or catches restricting the opening to less than 6.5cm (2.5 inches), and blind or curtain cords tied up out of reach and fixed to the wall.

One timing note that saves a lot of grief: if a new baby is coming, the HSE advises making routine changes such as moving into their own bed before the baby arrives rather than in the weeks after.

Nightmares and night terrors

These are different events and need opposite responses. The HSE's distinction: "your child will wake up during a nightmare but stay asleep during a night terror."

After a nightmare, hold and comfort them and sit beside them, but "avoid getting in the bed beside your child as this may create a sleep association." Leave both bedroom doors open instead. Talk about it the next day.

During a night terror, do the opposite: "do not wake your child - this may make them more agitated", keep them safe if they are moving around, and afterwards do not raise it, since they will have no memory of it. Night terrors last 5 to 30 minutes, happen in the deepest part of sleep, usually within one to two hours of falling asleep, and are more likely when a child is short of sleep, has an irregular schedule, is sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, is ill or feverish, or has recently given up a nap.

When to get help

The NHS says to "talk to your health visitor if you need further advice. They may have other ideas or suggest you make an appointment at a children's sleep clinic, if there's one in your area." The HSE lists the same threshold in three parts: contact your public health nurse, GP or GP practice nurse if your baby or young child is not sleeping, if their sleep pattern is disturbed, or if you are finding it difficult to cope. That last one is a reason on its own, not an admission.

Talk to a GP if night terrors are happening a few times every night or on most nights, or if nightmares are very disturbing or persistent. And if your child snores heavily or has pauses in breathing, raise it — the HSE lists sleep apnoea among the things that disturb children's sleep.

Toddler Sleep: Cot to Bed and Night Waking