Baby shower planner

The date is arithmetic, not etiquette

The NHS states that pregnancy normally lasts from 37 to 42 weeks. That one sentence settles the question of when to hold a baby shower far better than any tradition does: a party booked at 38 weeks is a party the guest of honour has a genuine chance of missing, because a birth from 37 weeks onwards is full term and nobody will be surprised by it.

So this planner counts backwards from the due date and gives you three dates rather than a vague instruction to do it in the third trimester. There is the earliest point that still feels like the run-up, at 28 weeks. There is the window almost everyone should land in, between 32 and 36 weeks. And there is the date after which you are gambling, at 37 weeks. It suggests the middle of the window, because that is far enough along that the nursery conversation is real and early enough that she can still sit through an afternoon comfortably.

The menu is the reason this tool exists

Every other shower planner is a party planner with a rattle on it: guest list, budget, games, done. None of them do the one thing that is specific to this particular party, which is that the food on the table is being served to somebody with a list of things she cannot eat.

She should not have to interrogate a buffet at her own shower. She certainly should not have to say no to something in front of twenty people who have just watched her be handed it, and then explain why. Getting that right is the single kindest thing a host can do, and it takes about ten minutes if somebody tells you what to check.

So the tool generates two lists. Things to keep off the table completely, and things to serve with a small card next to them saying what they are. Nobody misses pâté. Nobody notices that the cheese board has no brie on it. What people do notice is being handed something they then have to refuse.

The advice is not the same everywhere

This is why the tool asks which country you are in. The UK, the US and Australia do not publish the same list, and following the wrong one either frightens people unnecessarily or misses something real.

On fish, the NHS counts: tuna limited to four cans or two steaks a week, oily fish to two portions a week, and swordfish, shark and marlin off entirely. The FDA does not count at all — it sorts fish into Best Choices, Good Choices and Choices to Avoid, and the list of what to avoid is different. Australian advice is built around mercury for some species and listeria for raw and cold-smoked seafood.

On cheese, the UK line is about ripening: soft cheeses with a white rind and blue-veined cheeses are fine cooked until steaming hot and off the table if they are not, while pasteurised hard cheese, mozzarella, feta, halloumi and paneer are all fine. The American line is about pasteurisation, with queso fresco and raw-milk soft cheeses as the headline. Australian advice treats soft, semi-soft and surface-ripened cheeses as off unless they are cooked.

On cold meats, Australia is noticeably stricter than the UK, because chilled ready-to-eat foods are the main listeria risk and listeria grows at refrigerator temperatures. Cold cooked chicken and sliced deli meat sitting out on a buffet table are warmer than a fridge and have been out for two hours.

Caffeine and alcohol

The NHS limit is 200 mg of caffeine a day, and it is worth printing that on a card next to the tea urn rather than raising it in conversation. The NHS breaks it down: roughly two mugs of instant coffee, or one mug of filter coffee, or two and a half mugs of tea. A can of cola is about 40 mg and a 250 ml energy drink about 80 mg. ACOG uses the same 200 mg threshold in the United States.

Alcohol is not a judgement call and this tool does not hedge it. The NHS position is that not drinking alcohol at all is the safest approach. If you are serving alcohol to other guests, put as much effort into the alternatives as into the wine: something in a proper glass, made to order, rather than a warm orange juice. Check the labels on alcohol-free drinks, because low alcohol and alcohol-free are not the same thing.

What the budget split is and is not

It is a division of the number you typed, in the currency you chose. It is not a price estimate, and there is not a single price anywhere on this page, because nobody can tell you what a platter costs in your town this month. The shares shift with the kind of food and the kind of venue, and where a combination would ask for more than the whole budget they are scaled back so the numbers still add up.

If it is a surprise

A surprise shower has one real hazard and it is not the surprise. You cannot ask her what she is avoiding. Nausea and food aversions are wildly individual, and some women have restrictions nobody could guess at — gestational diabetes, an allergy, a religious or ethical diet, hyperemesis that makes the smell of hot food unbearable. Recruit one person who does know and have them check the menu.

It is also worth checking that she wants a party at all. Not everyone does, and a surprise removes her ability to say no. The practical things matter too: a chair with a back rather than a stool, water within reach of wherever she is sitting, a route to a toilet that does not cross the room, shade if it is warm, and two or three hours rather than five.